24 September 2019

Making Room For The Good Stuff


Baggage.  We’ve all got it.  Some of us drag it behind us for everyone to see; busted wheels, broken zipper, and all.  Some of us tuck it neatly away, trying to pretend it’s not taking up space in our hearts or weighing us down.  But it’s there, and at the least opportune moment the bag breaks open and we can’t escape the hurt that’s been hiding inside.  We know we need to unpack it, but knowing and doing are two completely different things.

So this is me, trying to unpack what I didn’t even realize I was toting around.  At one point in time, I was cheated on.  It seems so stupid to say it out loud, but I was cheated on by a man with a woman he met through an online game.  Like I said, stupid.  I have since forgiven him, and to this day we are even friends.  But here’s the rub, once I’m in anything far enough that there’s a chance I could get hurt, I have a hard time trusting.  Anyone.  My brain overthinks everything and the next thing I know I’m out here hurting my own feelings with made up scenarios and what ifs.  The thing is - I want to trust someone.  I want to fully and completely trust someone with all that I am, and this is why I try to be upfront, honest, and transparent - because that’s all I want in return.  So that’s it.  I’m gonna leave it on the sidewalk.  Someone else can have it because I need to make room for things that really matter.